What Emmett does when he is bored
by twilight is my heroine
Summary: some things that Emmett does when he is bored! VERY FUNNY! PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! i am now taking sugestions for future chapters!
1. Stupid Sun

**Disclaimer: I REFUSE!! Delia: I absoutly postivly refuse to say it!! I REJECT YOUR RELAITY AND SUBSITUE MY OWN!! Stephenie: Delia you do not own any of my charcters! ESPECIALLY NOT EDWARD OR JACOB!! I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR "SUBSITUTED REALITY YOU WILL SAY IT!! Delia: No Never! I DO OWN THEM!! EDWARD AND JACOB ARE MINE!! Stephenie: No their not!! NOW SAY IT.. or you cannot submit this story!! Deila: I dont care!! I want them!! Besides how are you going to stop me!! yeah thats what I thought!! you cant muuhhhhhhaaa!! Stephenie: I am personal friends with the Volturi. Delia: ha ha... you dont say! well in that case I DO NOT OWN EDWARD OR JACOB, (thought I wish I did) they are all Stephenie Meyer's (sadly) Stephenie: Thank you Deila: but they will be all mine one day! muuhhhaaa! Stephenie: What was that? Delia: Umm... nothing!! **

It was a strange sunny day and I sat on the couch in the living room with nothing to do. I sighed, stupid sun, I thought looking out the window. What to do? What to do? I could... no... or I could no I did that last time. Then it came to me

"Aha!!" I shouted jumping up, causing the couch to shake. "JASPER!!" I yelled as I ran to the foot of our large stair case.

"Emmett what the heck is it this time? I'm kinda busy!" He yelled back from his room. He must have been with Alice. Drat.

"Come on Jasper lets go play the wii!" I yelled back.

"NO!! I've played boxing with you about ten times today, and lost every freekin match to you! I will not loose again! Now go find your own entertainment!!"

"FINE!!"

I ran back to the couch and sat there with a big pout on my face. I knew he could feel that I was really mad but I didn't think that would persuade him. Crossing my arms across my chest I sighed, and yelled "STUPID SUN!!" Humph! What am I going to do now! I'm so bored! Hum... maybe I could go bother Carlisle.

I went and put my ear to the door of his office, maybe he could have something fun for me to do. Opening the door I saw him with stacks of paper in front of him. Phsaw.. well that's no fun!

"Hey Carlisle. Whatcha doing?" I asked hoping for a more exciting answer.

"Emmett, I know you're bored but I am far to busy to do anything, go ask Jasper." Replied Carlisle.

"But... I already asked him! He said he was busy too! Come on please! Just one game of boxing! PLEASE!!" I begged.

"No Emmett, for heavens sake you're what 93 find something more mature to do, and leave me to do my work." He said while writing something down.

"FINE!!"

Slamming the door to his office, maybe Edward would play. I ran up the next flight of stairs but before I was able to get to his door he said, "No Emmett, I do not wish to play the wii with you today. I am meeting Bella." Then he casually walked past me leaving me alone on the stairs.

"But Edward its sunny! You can't go out! Common just one game!"

"No Emmett! Besides that's what my jacket is for, now leave me alone."

"FINE!!"

Who else can play with me? I walked downstairs and saw Alice sitting on the couch watching some fashion show. Maybe she had not seen what I was going to ask her, then she would surly play the wii with me!!

"Alice.. Whatcha doing?" I asked.

"Emmett, I'm watching What Not To Wear, please go away, and no I do not want to play the wii with you. Don't bother asking Esme or Rosalie either, their answers are going to be no also." Alice said not once taking her eyes off the TV.

"FINE!!" I said then heavily sat down on the couch beside her. The show was boring to say the least. I was thinking of what I could do then it came to me... I could go to Wall-mart!

**If you love me and dont want to see me cry please review!! :)!!**


	2. walmart

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the random people walking around wal-mart and Pancho!! but I am working on the owning Edward and Jacob!!**

I ran out the door, at vampire speed, and jumped into my bright red Jeep then drove as fast as I could to Wall-mart. Quickly I parked the car and ran to the automatic doors, I just loved the whooshing sound they make!!

"hee hee hee WHOSH!!" I said as they slid open, the other shoppers just stared at me.

Walking to the women's clothes isle, hee hee... this should be fun! I picked up a hot pink tube top and held it up to me. A person walked by and looked at me as if I was crazy, so I asked them, " Does this make me look fat?" Then they just ran off. I love messing with people!!

As I exited the department I was sure to yell, "Who buys this crap anyway!!" Then I strolled to the electronics isle. On one wall were the alarm clocks, I rubbed my hands together mischievously and got to work. I set all of the clocks to go off at 12:03 exactly then ran to the bike isle.

Then turned around and set all the radios on the polka station! How annoying!! MUHHAAAA!! Quickly I turned them off but turned the volume up to the highest setting!! Now who ever buys it when they turn it on polka will blast!!

Now for the calculators!! I ran to the other side of the isle and set them all to .77734 then turned them upside down so it spelt hello!! Then I sprinted to the isle where they kept the blankets!! An old lady was trying to pick one out beside me, hee I was probably older than her!! Grabbing a black blanket I tied it around my neck at vampire speed then ran into the center isle.

"I'm batman!! Come Robin to the bat cave!!" I said as I ran up and down the isles of the store! This was so fun!! I just hope I don't get kicked out like last time!! Then I quickly ran to the pet department, I just loved looking at all the fish!! Especially my favorite fishy! He was a giant gold fish, I think they were called koi fish but I wasn't really sure. On my last visit I had named him Pancho!!

"Hello can I help you sir?" A woman asked me.

"No thanks just a looking!!" I said then ran out the door with the unpaid for blanket/cape flowing behind me!!

**please review!! I will take sugestions if you have any for future chapters!! PLEASE REVIEW!! **


	3. Pranks

**Disclaimer: I know as amazing as I am it would seem that I would own Twilight but sadly I dont!! But ONE DAY I WILL MMMUUHHHAA!! **

It was just another average day at the Cullen house, except for the fact that it was sunny, AGAIN!! Which meant that I was incredibly bored, as usual. This time I was prepared!! I knew just what I was going to do today! Ruin peoples lives of course, its what I do best!!

I ran to the kitchen where Alice and Esme were talking about something. Edward was gone somewhere with Bella but they would be back soon, which was when my plan would take full effect! Yes I know I'm an evil genius!! If I could only take over the world... ah lets just save that for another day shall we.

"Hey Alice!!" I yelled and went to stand beside her.

"What is it Emmett?" Replied and annoyed Alice.

"Bella said that she REALLY wants to go shopping with you, and have you give her a make-over instead of going on that date with Edward tonight!"

She jumped up in the air with excitement, "OMG!! Really? YES!! I knew she would come around!! YES!! I have to go get everything ready!!" Then she ran upstairs at vampire speed.

Yes!! Bella, check one life ruined! Now for Edward and his prized CD collection!! Once again I ran up two flights of stairs at vampire speed and went into his room. I had brought with me the most annoying CDs imaginable such as Braney, The Wiggles, Aqua, and other random songs any three year old would like disguised as the CDs he already had. At vampire speed I changed all the CDs for the fakes then ran out of the room and sat innocently on the couch.

Yes!! Edward, check now I have two lives ruined!! Lets see.. who next.. AHA its time for Jasper!! He was off hunting so he wouldn't come in on me while I did the dirty deed!! I went to his bathroom and poured permanent blue hair dye in his bottle of shampoo! NOW HIS GOLDEN HAIR WILL BE BLUE!! MUHHAA!!

Yes!! Jasper, check now I have three lives ruined! Now for my next victim Alice!! She was getting ready for Bella so she shouldn't notice me sneaking into her closet! Quietly I opened the door and snatched up all her left shoes and hid them under Edward's couch!! MUHHAA!

Yes!! Alice, check now I have four lives ruined! Now tis time for Rosalie!! She was off hunting with Jasper so no chance in running into her!! I ran into our room and took all her nail polish (which so loves so much!!) and broke every bottle and threw them in the bath tub with a note that said Bella did it!

Yes!! Rosalie, check now I have five lives ruined! hum... now I believe Esme is next. This should be interesting! I went and picked up the phone and dilled the number for the movable petting zoo, you know the one that people rent for little kids birthday day parties! Finally somebody picked up!

"Yes hello I need you to bring your farm animals to my house this afternoon, oh and bring them inside the house if you could. That's where the umm... party is you see and well just let them in." I asked him.

"Okay sir"

Yes!! Now Esme will freak cause all the goats and lamas messed up the house!! I am truly amazing!! Hee hee hee !! Okay so that only leaves Carlisle! He was at work so no chance in getting caught right? I walked to his desk where his computer with all his important documents were and sat down in the big comfy chair. Cracking his password was hard but crashing his computer was easy and fun!!

I jumped up from the desk when I was through and ran to the living room to watch foot ball. Yes!! Now I have ruined everybody's life!! This is awesome!! Hum... All that pranking has made me thirsty... I think I could go for some grizzle right now.

seven hours later

I drove up to the house, everything was quiet much too quiet. I shrugged it off, surly they wouldn't be that mad at me, right? I parked the car then went up the front steps and opened the door to find my whole family, and Bella looking angrily at the door.

"EMMETT!!" They all yelled.

"Umm... hi!" I said then turned around and ran away trying not to laugh.

**REALLY WHATS YOUR PROBLEM!! IF YOUR TAKING TIME TO READ THIS YOU SHOULD AT LEAST LEAVE A COMMENT!! SHESH!! I WROTE THIS AND ITS NOT FAIR FOR YOU NOT TO COMMENT ON IT!! REALLY !! stop reading me rant and just push the freekin comment button okay!!**


	4. The Koolaid man

**Disclaimer: Im so freekin tired of saying this!! But you guys keep asking for more so I have to everytime how ever much it pains me! I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!! tear tear I would like to say though that the random people in this are all mine!! Oh and my friend Emma helped me come up with the story so thanks Emma you rock!! **

"Alice do you really think this is going to fit?" I said reluctantly as Alice handed me a giant red suite.

"Whose the physic one here? Besides it was your idea! I'm just helping you with it!! Now put on the kool-aid man suite!"

"Fine!!" I said as I stepped into it. Alice zipped it up the back and I turned and looked in the mirror. Wow I really did look like the Kool-aid man!! This had to be one of my better Ideas!!

"Common lets go! The show starts at 7 and we only have 15minutes to get there! Hurry and get in the car." She said as she pushed me out the door and into the Jeep.

The plan was I was going to dress up as Kool, the Kool-aid man and we were going to go to an airing of some well awaited film. I was to hide in my suite behind a brick wall where the movie was being projected on the other side, while Alice was going to hide where the people kept the projector and when it got to the most exciting part she was going to call me. Then I was suppose to come crashing through the wall yelling 'oh yeah! oh yeah! oh yeah' and demolish anything in my path. This had to be the best movie prank ever.

We drove down the street as fast as we could to get there on time, we wanted to make out entrance perfect you see. Alice pulled up right beside the theater and then we ran, at vampire speed, to the wall that I was going to hide behind.

"Okay Emmett, you stay here and then I'm going to go up to the projector room, when I call you then you run through the wall yelling oh yeah and try to break everything you can got it?" I just nodded my head then let her carry on, "Okay I'm going to be in the Jeep right over there," She gestured towards her right, "Then you need to come and jump in when you're through so we can get the crap out of here before the cops show up. Got it?"

"Yeah, yeah Alice. I got it."

"Okay I'm leaving now. Try to stay hidden okay!" Then she sprinted into the building.

I leaned against the brick wall and waited for her call. I could hear the movie going on behind me then I felt my phone vibrate. I looked at the screen name and it said it was Alice.

"Hello?"

"GO NOW!!" She shrieked.

Needing no further encouragement I burst through the wall at top speed. Several people screamed. It was AWSOME!!

"OH YEAH!! OH YEAH!! OH YEAH!! OH YEAH!! OH YEAH!!" I yelled over and over again as I trampled over everything in my path. This had to be the most fun I had ever had!!

"MOMMIE!!" Some random little girl screamed while she ran out of the room.

"HEY YOU THERE IN THE KOOL-AID SUIT!! STOP THAT!!" One of the security guards yelled but it was too late now. I had plundered everything that needed at good plundering and was already running back to the Jeep. Hopping into the car Alice sped away quickly.

"Man Alice that was freekin awesome!!" I yelled as we drove off into the night laughing out heads off!

**If you liked it COMMENT! If you hated it COMMENT!! If you like me COMMENT!! If you value your life COMMENT!! If you want to make a sugestion please do so! COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT!! HAVE I MADE MY SELF CLEAR? OH YEAH!!**


	5. Soap and Koolaid

**Ha now I own them all!! No you cant have Edward!! I bought them on ebay for like 20 billion! so worth every freekin penny!! wakes up from dream what wow I just had an awesome dream that I owned the whole Twilight cast!! How cool is that!! but sadly I dont... but that does give me an idea... hummmm... while i contemplate you read and review OR ELSE.. I DO HAVE SOME CLOSE FRIENDS THAT WOULD BE VERY GLAD TO HURT YOU!! cough chough VOLTURI cough cough**

Bella was no fun at all but I would make her have fun!! Even if it killed her, which knowing how clumsy she is it just might! Then Edward would kill me though... hum.. maybe I should think this through better, I thought looking over at the annoyed Bella sitting in the passengers seat. I had kidnapped her from Edward because everybody else was busy today and I needed somebody to help me with this prank.

"Emmett can you just tell me what the heck were doing!? And why you have all this soap and kool-aid in the back seat?" She said.

"Were going to pull a prank!!"

"What!!" Screamed Bella in shock.

"Do you need your ears checked or something?? I said were.."

"I heard you idiot!!"

I loved it when Bella got mad. It was so funny! Well not as funny as when those dogs get mad but still its funny! I pushed the gas pedal down harder, trying to make it to our destination before 11p.m. We had to do this at night, and we had to do it fast!

"Are we there yet?" Bella asked impatiently.

"NO!!" I yelled.

"So you kidnapped me... could you at least tell me where the flip were going!!"

"Fine! Were going to Seattle."

"What the!! Holey crow Emmett! Why?"

"Bella I already told you!! Were going to do a prank!!"

"Well.. I guess that sounds fun."

I drove faster looking out for cops on the roads and we finally got there. I pulled into the parking lot. I had been planning this location for weeks. It had to be just right!

"Come on Bella! Put the hat on!! Oh and help me with this soap and kool-aid!"

"Wait! Tell me what were going to do first."

"Okay here is the plan. See that fountain over there," I gestured behind me, "Were going to pour the kool-aid and the soap in it. Then drive off really fast so we don't get caught!! How awesome is that??"

"Emmett that's cool!"

We went around and unloaded the kool-aid and soap then set it beside the fountain. When we made sure that nobody was around we dumped everything in the fountain. It was so cool and colorful! Then as we were watching it suds we heard him.

"Hey you kids! What do you think you're doing?" Yelled a random police officer.

"AHH BELLA RUN!!"

Then we ran to the car and drove back home at like 122mph! It was AWESOME!!


	6. Christmas In July

**Disclaimer: **

**me: Hey Stephenie!**

**Steph: umm...hello?**

**me: hits her over head with baseball bat, knocks her out.**

**Steph: wakes up 2 hrs later what happened, who am i?**

**me: I dont know but just so u know I own every body in the book serise called Twilight, okay? Dont let any body tell you otherwise. **

**Steph: oh okay thats cool **

"Bye guys!! I swear I wont burn the house down like I did last time! Go on I'll be fine!! I swear!! GO!!" I said as everybody but me and Jasper walked out the door of our huge house to go hunting.

This was the perfect time to hatch my master plan! Bella was going some where with that dog and the family was going to be gone for the whole day! Putting operation Christmas in July into effect!! I walked to the table and rolled out a piece of paper with all the details of this AWESOME plan on it so I could show them to Jasper.

"Okay what do you have planned?" He asked.

"Well... Its called operation Christmas in July! Were going to Sneak into Bella's room and set up Christmas decorations and set up a stage with laser lights and drums which you will play and i'll be on vocals and guitar! And I'm going to dress up as Santa and you're going to be my elf! I think that petting zoo I hired to run through the house might rent reindeer. When Edward and Bella walk in were going to start singing Jingle Bell Rock! There going to freak!!" I yelled.

"That sounds great!! I like it but lets get rid of the Elf costume but it would be way better if we filmed it and posted it on youtube!!"

"Were keeping the elf costume but I love the youtube idea! LETS DO THIS!!"

We got in the jeep with a car full of Christmas decorations in back and drove to Bella's house. Charlie had gone to work so we had the house to ourselves. As we unloaded the goods at vamp speed and ran up the stairs at vamp speed.

"Hey Emmett how the heck do you set up this video camera?"

"How would I know! I stole it from Edward!"

"And you didn't think to steal the instructions?"

"Umm...no."

"Idiot" Jasper said as he fiddled with the camera until he some how got it to work.

I set up the stage after I decorated the giant Christmas tree we had some how managed to fit up the stairs. I plugged in the amp and we were done!!

"Come on ! There going to be home any minute, lets turn the camera on and pause it and go get changed, your elf costume is in the bathroom, I'm gonna go get Santa fied."

Stupid fake beard! It wont go on! Oh crap the car! "JASPER THERE HERE!!"

"Okay I'm coming!"

We ran in her room and got ready, then the door opened and I hit the first note and turned the camera on to get their faces.

"Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time Dancing and prancing in Jingle Bell Square In the frosty air."

"EMMETTTTTTTTTTT!!" A voice that wasn't Bella's or Edwards voice, that could only mean one thing. CHARLIE!!

"Oh man!" Said Edward as he came up behind Charlie, apparently they had just gotten here.

"Hey Chief Swan, Happy Christmas in July!" I said hoping to break the ice because Edward, Bella, and Charlie were just staring at us.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN BELLA'S ROOM!? GET OUT BEFORE I ARRREST YOU FOR BREAKING AND ENTERING!! THE BOTH OF YOU GET OUT!!" Charlie yelled.

"But we just want to. cele..." I stated to say but then got broken off.

"GET OUT NOW!!"

"EPP, yes sir!!" Jasper and I said as we jumped out the window and drove off as fast as we could.

**hey guys I love you for still reading this! i know its been forever since i updated! please stick with me! and please read and review! because now that stephenie cant remeber anything she kinda cant write Midnight Sun so only I have the power to give her, her memory back and I will only do it if you read and review! muhhhhhaaahahhahaha yeah im evil! isnt it great! **


	7. Sugar Overload

**Disclaimer: Okay so it turns out that after a while Stephenie's memory came back...after I knocked her out with a baseball bat this is and then convinced her that I owned everybody well now I own nothing, except the random people at wal-mart from chapter one and Emilie for thoes of you who have read A bitter Sweet Imprint, and If you havent then GO AND READ IT AND REVIEW ON IT OR ELSE!! **

"Okay Emmett, I still can't believe I let you talk me into letting you baby-sit Bella while were all gone hunting. But just make sure she gets enough sleep, don't let her have any sugar, and no biting her! You bite her and you will wish you had never been born! AM I CLEAR!" Edward demanded.

"Gosh Edward shes going to be fine! And I won't bite her, like I tried to last time..."

"WHAT!! THATS IT I AM NOT LEAVING YOU WITH HIM BELLA" He yelled so hard the glass wall on the side of the living room began to shake.

"Edward I was joking. Nothing will happen to her while you're gone. Now leave! Go enjoy yourselves!" I said as I pushed him out the door.

"Wait make sure she eats dinner and breakfast, no touching my piano, what ever you do don't let h.." But I slammed the door in his face before he could finish. Then I ran to the window to watch them drive away. After about five minutes I whirled around to Bella who was sitting on the couch watching Americas Next Top Model.

"Okay Bella he's gone lets have FUN!! If you even know the meaning of that word with Edward around! Lets eat candy and cheese!!"

"But Edward doesn't let me eat those things. Besides you can't even eat them."

"CANDY AND CHEESE!!" I yelled as I ran to the kitchen and came back with sour straws and cheddar cheese in tow. Then I threw them at her, she missed. GOSH! Bella is such a failure.

"I WILL ONLY EAT THIS WITH KOOL-AID!!"

"Exactly what I was thinking! That's why I brought this!" I said as I pulled out 4 kool-aid packets from my pocket.

"Oh. my. gosh. I WANT BLUE!!" She said as she ran to grab them from my hand and ripped them open then poured their awesome blue contents into her mouth.

"Wow... umm..Bella are you okay?"

"I have no idea! OMG EMMETT LETS HAVE A TEA PARTY!!"

"A tea party?"

"TEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"Okay, okay." I said as I went and put a pot of tea on the stove then waited for it to make that awesome noise it makes when its done.

"TEA, TEA, tea, tea, TEA, TEA, tea, tea!" I could hear Bella chant from the living room.

WHISTLE, WHISTLE, WHISTLE!! The Tea Pot said.

I poured the tea then went in the T.V room with the tea and sugar.

"Okay how much sugar do you want?" I asked Bella.

"How much do you have?"

"Three pounds."

"Then I would like three pounds."

"Umm... Bella that's a little unhealthy?"

"That's what Edward said!!"

"Then I will change my answer to AWESOME!! Cause I don't want to sound like him at all!"

We drank our tea then set out to pranking. Bella washed all of Roses cloths in bleach, I tied all of Alice's shoes together in a long rope, we both put stickers all over Edward's piano, I put a virus on Carlisle's computer, and then Bella put a rabid fox in Esme's room.

"Good work Bella! Ya know when you're high on sugar you have great pranking potential." I said as we sat down on the couch. Then I heard a car drive up very fast in the drive way and a door open and slam then out front door open.

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN!! ALICE HAD A VISHION AND YOU WILL DIE!!" Edward's voice boomed causing the T.V. to crack.

Bella just giggle, still high from the sugar and said, "Eddie you made the T.V. go away!"

**I want to thank Pixy36 for** **giving me the idea for this one! see guys I promised that once I got out of school I would start writing again! and look i did! Okay and I hate to keep bringing this up but really if you dont review then I will hurt you if I have to! actually I wont hurt you the Volturi will but still same diffrence. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW **


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